Prime Minister Shinzo Abe has been democratically re-elected by the Liberal Democratic Party of Japan (LDP), Japan’s ruling party, giving him a clear path to become Japan’s longest-serving dictator.
A lack of any viable opposition party will guarantee Abe can continue to rule under the guise of a democratic political system.
“It wasn’t easy destroying the credibility of all opposition parties,” Abe told his Liberal Democratic Party after the vote.
“But the Tohoku disaster in 2011 really helped us out a lot.”
The LDP managed to use their broad reach of influence from decades of reign to discredit the Democratic Party of Japan that had only come into office less than two years before the 3.11 disaster.
“We blamed them for the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant meltdown even though we were in power for the previous four decades establishing and getting into bed with the entire nuclear industry,” Abe told supporters.
“We even managed to convince the public that it was the DPJ that didn’t want to cool the nuclear reactors with sea water because it would cause damage to the business,” Abe struggled to say out loud while laughing.
“But in fact, it was always TEPCO that didn’t want to use sea water and it was the DPJ that was threatening TEPCO to take quick action.”
After Abe’s address, around 670 men and one woman proceeded to “Banzai!” each other from close range.
Image: Reuters
